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Open letter to crab rangoon

July 3, 2009

Dear Crab Rangoon,

We met when I was in college — I was so young and naive.  We were introduced by a volleyball player who hung out in my dorm room a lot, to keep company with my freshman roommate.  We ordered Chinese food from Peking Palace and it was there where I first met you, with all of your fried wonton skin and creamy deliciousness.  It was love at first bite.  I know now that you weren’t good for me, but I couldn’t help myself.

At first, you were just something I indulged in every once in a while, but then after a few dinner dates, I let you enter my life more fully.  I began to crave you, to think about you and to get you.  Thankfully, others had to have you as well, and we all existed happily together.  Oh, we had a good thing going.  Don’t pretend you didn’t know it too.  Even when you were bad (and I’ve had a lot of bad, 1 a.m. crab rangoon), you were always so, so good.

Alas, life must truck along.  I met Marc, who would grow to be the love of my life (it’s true).  I tried to share my love of you with him, and as you know, he just wouldn’t have it.  To him, your warm cheesy insides were not palatable, and even gross.  Since he was so averse to you, he taught me how to love your other appetizer friends — dumplings, scallion pancake, Thai golden bags, and Vietnamese summer rolls.  The flavors of these were so complex, so interesting and also delicious that I quickly put you aside.  It wasn’t that I ever stopped loving you.  It’s just that my husband didn’t.  I can’t be involved in a three-way relationship, at least not a culinary three-way.

Every now and then I will remember just how irresistible you are and I’ll partake in your loveliness.  Lucky for both of us, tonight felt like that night.  Ravenous after a long day, biting down onto your poorly fried shell, it felt a little bit like coming home.  I know my stomach will not be happy with me in the long run, but it was a good decision in the moment.  Devouring you tonight was just what I needed.  I can’t do it often, probably only once a year, but I want you to know that when it happens, it’s good and oh-so-right.

You’ve got a special place in my heart.  I’m lucky you’re there.  Thanks for filling me with delight — it’s a shame Marc can’t join me in my love, but maybe it’s better for it just to be the two of us….if you know what I mean.  I’m not good at sharing.

Love always,


3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 3, 2009 7:55 pm

    Let it be known that it was I who suggested we get these tonight so you could have them in all of their glory. Also, I want to add that liquified warm sweetened cream cheese with artificial crabmeat is about the most disgusting thing I could ever think of eating.

  2. Tina Schultz permalink
    July 5, 2009 9:13 pm

    Love the crab rangoon!!!

  3. Ed O'Brien permalink
    July 14, 2009 2:04 pm

    Crab rangoon are amazing! I was hoping to find a recipe at the bottom of this love letter, but was left very disappointed!

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